Love vs Cancer

This week is a heavy one.

Now you may think: she has been having heavy weeks since october 2010 (nag, nag, nag)

True. Not once did I get good news. 

A very depressing blog indeed. 

Unfortunately no good news today either. 

 I am in so much pain. Pain of the tumors in my upper body. 

And yesterday my oncologist told me that the chemo we started after the holidays also does not work for me.

So no more Vinorelbine. And that's very disappointing. 

 I have to start on a different kind of chemo a.s.a.p. 

This time it is Gemcitabine.

Let's hope it works. 

Maybe I will start tomorrow, but I hope next tuesday.

I will not stay gloomy. 

Because as long they have medicine's to fight this one, I will keep on fighting.

My mom keeps on fighting my cancer with quilts of love

This quilt she gave Kikki today. Beautiful.

But mostly very nice to have on the couch and to sleep under.

Blogging

You didn't hear from me for a long time 

Sometimes it's stupid to write on my blog

This is one of the moments, weeks, actually

We went to friends in Paris in my "good" week

I could do that because I could sleep in the afternoon, before dinner and go to bed early

So each day I could do something fun (with a little help from my friends)

Decadent tea at Ladurée with Kikki, Nina and June

A stroll in the park with our designer dogs

And even to the top of the Eiffel Tower! (fun with Marieke, Pieter and kids)

Paris was really nice and cosy!

But back in Amsterdam another chemo

and when I should fell better on thursday I didn't

I have a lot of pain, I think my lungs again

So next monday they will check whatever is wrong now

And that's why I don't want to blog! I want to write that I'm feeling all right!

I woke up in the middle of the night

My skin didn't feel as soft as this rose tonight ( I got the rose from Shara, isn't she beautiful?)

My chemo has an other side affect

I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible itching skin

I went upstairs, had something to eat and put a lot of menthol powder on my skin

It kept on itching till the alarm clock woke me up

My days are getting better. So that's a good thing!

Looking forward to Paris. Not able to walk all day but little actions are possible.

Like having decadent tea at Ladurée for example

We take our designer dog with us :-) How Parisienne...

Fall

Time for a Carrot Cake

He's yummie!

How did I go this week?

The chemo makes me tired, but that you already knew

I get my chemo's every monday. 2 weeks up, 1 week down.

If I have my chemo I sleep till wednesday morning but this wednesday I had a bad case of "something I don't want to say with this nice picture of a carrot cake above"

Thursday this was resolved, I was happy!

The last 3 days feeling better then I did since july!

That is something!

On a date with my dad

We went to the hospital for my weekly chemo

I watched a new serie on my IPad "Damages"

And dad read the VI

Feeling tired, slept till now since yesterday

But that is one of the side effects of this chemo

Golden tip

We have been to Paris already a couple of times with the kids

This fall we will go again

Ruud goes with Pierre and Mees to Paris Saint Germain (Paris soccer club...)

But has anybody a golden tip to do there with the kids? Something "off the beaten path"?

We have done already all you can think off with kids there, so something new and refreshing?

day before

Mees was to Ajax

Doreen an me went to the "heide" with the girls

And with our baby dog Nilli

Felt a little off this weekend. Ofcourse tired but also a little feverisch

When does it ever stop...

But Doreen took care off the kids while I could rest, that was nice

tomorrow another chemo

Ruud is in Spain

And opa Bert took us out for dinner.

4 october

It's not only Animal Day

But also on the 4th of october 2010 I heard I had spreaded breastcancer

2 years of treatments further,

and I still take life day by day

My wish for the next couple of weeks...

...more energy. 

Since my lungs and the virus I can't do much on a day

I feel tired

That has to change!!!

But day by day and hopefully in a couple of weeks I can go for a walk on the beach with the dogs
In the meanwhile we, me and the dogs, take little naps

Stiching art

Wow!

This way too beautiful wrapping paper holds a home made Courgette Apple Cake by Brigitte

Yammie!

The message on the paper is stiched!

Got my chemo today.

Slept all afternoon.

Back on time

I got fired from the hospital on saturday afternoon.

Kik had her birthday party on sunday

They went to a workshop "making an object or necklace out of stone"

Esther brought me to the party at the end so I could see the results

It was fun

It's not the Hamptons here

Bummer

I got home last sunday from the hospital

But I was so tired all week

It got worse and worse

yesterday and today I couldn't do anything anymore, I was so weak.

Doreen took control and brought me to the hospital this afternoon
My new weekend retraite

They hooked me on to an infuse of sugar and salt

It's getting better already

So I have hope I don't have to stay here all weekend

In the meanwhile

I'm hooked to a new serie "Revenge"

The decor of the serie is the Hamptons...

home again, home again ♫♫

  ♫ Many times
I've been told
All this talk
Will make you old
So, I'll close my eyes
Won't look behind
Movin' on
Movin' on
So I'll close my eyes
Won't look behind
Movin' on

Michael Kiwanuka
Home Again ♫

Room with a view

I'm in the hospital. I don't know for how long. Hopefully sunday? 

All fluids have to be drained out of my lungs, then I will get a Thorax Pleurose. 
Meaning: they will inject a medicine what will glue my lung membranes to each other,
so no fluids can enter my lungs anymore...

It's not much fun here in the hospital but I have to catch up a lot of sleep so that will work out!

Home made by Kikki

Kikki herself made these cupcakes and with a little help from me, cookies on a stick. 

Tomorrow is her birthday and these cupcakes and cookies are her treats for school.

I will celebrate Kikki's birthday in the hospital

My lungs are filling up again with fluids and the doctors want a solution for it

 Tomorrow afternoon I will probably get a permanent drain.  

I'll keep u posted

I'd like to cut that cake

Kikki's 9th birthday

It takes three, baby ♫

3rd thorax drainage in 2 weeks. This time 1.5 L

There has to come a solution

This is not a nice treatment, it hurts

But it has to be done. Now I will have some "air" this weekend

It takes three, baby ♫

Dinner for three

I think you will see a lot of dog pictures in the near future to illustrate my days

It's a lot of fun to have a third!

Sofar the Vinorelbine is not that harsh for my body.

Maybe a little nauseated in the beginning and tired

but the most painfull and tiresome are my lungs

Tomorrow back to the hospital. 

Another scan and probably another thorax drainage

Anything to feel better :-)

Crostata di Fichi

Cake of the day:

Crostata di Fichi (Fig Frangipane)

BFF Nilli & Kaia

Monday

1st treatment with Vinorelbine

Hopspital visit went fast

A little sick afterwards

Needed a lot of sleep

New family member

Kikki and Nilli 

(Nilli short for Vanilla sunshine, the breeders name)

They are made for each other.

Kik is a very happy little girl!!!

Update 1st week back

The update from this week is a little different then last week.

Monday; meeting with Schellens and with Linn, thorax drainage 1 (1.2 L)

Tuesday; blood tests, cytostatics injection, Ct Thorax / Abdomen & Bone scan

Wednesday; thorax drainage 2 (0.8 L)

Thursday; pain doctor

But even in such a stupid week of hospital visits life is sweet

Saw our new family member

Ruud made some awesome food

Hubby is sweet

On the beach

Kids at the dentist having a fluor treatment

Esther with the boys and her Fiat 500 to soccer

A Paris light

by Shara, Rene & Mia

Italie vs Thorax drain

No 3rd week update Italie. It was more of the same. Just wonderful!

One day you are sitting on a terrace overlooking an ancient Italian village 

being kissed by your daughter

And the next day your thorax is being drained.

Before our vacation I already had trouble breathing. 

During the vacation it was not getting any better. Today first thing to the hospital. 

On the picture you can see one lung working normally (the dark side) and on the right a lung filled with fluids (the white side). They drained 1.2 L from my lung.

It was not a nice threatment but a necessary one

I also heard today what kind of therapy I have to start soon. It's going to be Vinorelbine. It's a chemo but not so harsh as Taxol. No baldness and servere sickness. The only thing is that I have to have the cure every week. 

I will start next monday.

2nd week update Italie

Can't have enough candles

Jan & Jet burning one for me in Rome, Santa Maria di Trastevere

Frank, Syl en Sep one in Mykonos

St patrick's cathedral new york

Familia Plomp burned one in New York

update 1st week Airole, Italie

Candles

Doreen burned me a candle in France, Bargemon

Esther one in Italie, Airole

I can use them for next monday.

Under the sea ♫♫

Went with Kikki to the musical The Little Mermaid

♫ The seaweed is always greener ♫
In somebody else's lake
♫ You dream about going up there
But that is a big mistake ♫
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
♫ What more is you lookin' for? ♫

Chilling in Bakkum

I'm at Bakkum with Mees and a friend. 

I take it easy! On a sunbed under the trees. Boys have fun!

No news about new meds. My tumors are not mutated. That means I will not enter the trials they had planned for me. Now I will have to wait till my meeting with head of trials, Prof. Schellens. 

He will tell me (hopefully before Italie) what will be waiting for me when I get back. 

Another trial or a weekly infuse?

Lavender

Nothing much to tell.

My oncologist called today but no results yet.

We will have another try on wednesday afternoon

I will go away for a few days with Mees and a friend of him.

Kik is going elsewhere with Madelief.

In the meanwhile I make another lavender pie

Cake of the day

Sticky blueberry lavender pie.

I'm not feeling so blue as the last weeks. 

Talking to my oncologist Dr. Linn helped getting things in perspective.

I will hear next week if I'm compatible with one of the trial medicines. 

The doctors will not put me on new medicine before our vacation.

So the next 6 weeks will be fairly quiet except for the pains I have.

But I got some xtra drugs. For the first time in my live I'm an addict :-)

Girls just wanna have fun

Because the moms just wanna have fun

"Tye Dye project"

Make your own Isabel Marant jeans :-)

The look of love ♫♫

I Am(sterdam) not any further

Yesterday at the 'I Amsterdam'-logo in Westerpark with Kikki, Mees and Madelief.

Today I visited the hospital to learn more about the kind of tumor I have. 

The doctors are trying to find out how the tumor mutates. 

And when the results are in, dr Linn wants to see if she can get me in an experimental programme for a very new medicine that sort of stops this wrong mutation. 

The big question now is: Is my tumor 'suited' for this new kind of medicine?

Today we went in to hear the results. Unfortunately the results are late. Shit happens. 

Had I only known. I would have slept a lot better. 

I had a nervous and aching stomach all weekend.

But my visit to Dr. Linn wasn't a complete waste of time. 

Doreen and I asked a lot of questions and got answers. 

So I'm a little more relaxed now. 

I will have another meeting with my doctor before I go to Italy 

so I will know what the plan after the vacation will be. 

No new meds before 'Airole'

I bake cakes

This one is goooooood!!!

Lemon Ginger Cake!

The black colour is not burned but a Hipstamatic photo filter.

Auwch

Be happy that I didn't made a picture from the Biopsy they took from me this afternoon. 

Fuck fuck fuck fucker the fuck that hurts!

Love Hope Faith

Irena wanted to buy Elderflower Syrup from me. 

But for the people who I love and help me it's not for sale. 

They get it for free. 

 But this time we traded it, syrup for art on a kitchen towel.

it's called; love hope faith

Will I use it as a kitchen towel. I don't know yet.

It's too beautiful

Again surfing, surfing

End of season party of Mees his soccer team. Kik went along with a friend. 

They are going to be a pro surf dude and girl in the meanwhile.

For me. I had a nice weekend. Bought a new bike.

A nice sunday on the beach.

Only the pain is annoying. Especially of the so called solar plexus or also known as the 3rd chakra. 

I'm not a believer of this stuff but it is possible that all my stress joins at that place. It gives an annoying pain.

Tomorrow I have a session with my fysiotherapist.